Photograph task: Sunset
Location: Rummu, Estonia
Camera setting: Night landscape
I am a professional when it comes to missing people. Having lived abroad away from my family and friends and now being in a relationship with a man who travels pretty much every 2 weeks have all taught me patience and appreciation for the fact that I have someone worth missing in my life.
I’ve even learned to love the process of missing someone. Yeah, I know, some of you are like “How the hell can anyone like missing someone?!” but it’s actually not that bad when you really think about it.
There are multiple benefits in “taking a break” from a relationship or just spending time apart. Especially when you’re in a situation where circumstances like work or family issues force you to spend time away from your partner often, it’s vital that you both keep in mind the positive aspects of it.
If you spend all your time (excluding work) with your significant other it comes very easily and quite subconsciously that you both start to take the other one for granted. In the end this can lead to a partnership with no significant emotions involved.
But when you are apart for even couple of days you suddenly realize all the little things that being with your partner brings to your everyday life that you really
Those dirty socks lying on the couch every day when you arrive home from work start to seem endearing rather than annoying when they are all of a sudden missing.
What I’ve noticed in our relationship in particular is that being apart sometimes helps us to
that could in the long run become much bigger issues. When you’re with someone 24/7 it’s hard to find a moment to talk about something serious that you have wanted to discuss. But when there are periods apart you realize that those moments are even more rare, which prompts you to take action.
You tend to think the issue through more properly because you’ve got all the time in your hands, being on your own for a change. And by thinking the whole thing through it’s easier to put it on the table in a calm manner with facts straight up and the point delivered clearly.
This should always be the way to do it with men, keep it simple, don’t talk around the subject, be straight and true. Otherwise you end up in a fight because one of you misunderstood something or got annoyed because they can’t get to the bottom of what you really want to say. Been there, done that. Not recommended.
When you’re left to fend for yourself for a while, you come to realize that your
stress levels tend to reduce.
This does not mean that there’s anything wrong with your relationship, there is also good kind of stress. Instead it just means that when you’re with that significant other you think about their needs and wants 24/7 as well as your own.
But when you have time just for yourself you don’t need to consider anyone else, you can just do you; watch that soap on Netflix that he hates, eat exactly what you want and look as dreadful as you like.
OK, this last point isn’t an issue for everyone but I like to at least wear bearable-looking clothes at home instead of a onesie with my hair and face fucked up. He never asked me to do so, it’s just my way of showing him consideration by wanting to look good for him.
Many people who live a “normal” living-together-life where neither of them needs to be away often can easily become unhealthily dependent on their significant other. If suddenly the SO needs to be away for a weekend there is a lot of stress and apprehension, perhaps even suspicion of foul play on one or both sides.
Taking just a weekend apart every now and then makes sure that you don’t become too ‘needy’ and are able to
keep your independent mind,
which ensures that if something bad happened, you would still be able to cope.
In my case I can always concentrate on the fact that the trips are always temporary; my boyfriend will be home in a week or two and in the meanwhile we will be in contact daily anyway.
I have to admit, though, that this might all be easier for me just because I am such an independent person: most of my life I’ve been completely dependent on myself and nobody else. I also think we would not have survived this long together if I wasn’t able to trust him. My life has taught me not to trust men, which is why I don’t tend to take men seriously most of the time.
But this guy proved the exception. If I ask him something, anything, he gives an honest answer. He’s trusted me with so much delicate stuff in his life that even I can’t match that. And once again openness is the key for everything: It creates trust and without trust there is no relationship.