Photography task: After dark
Location: Kalamaja, Estonia
Camera setting: Night landscape
Apologies for the picture quality. As we know, it’s very difficult to get good pictures in darkness even with a proper camera, so these were my first try. I can see that this is an aspect that requires improvement so I will be training that. How convenient then that winter here is dark almost all day everyday.
These pictures are from a very interesting place here in Tallinn, which I have wanted to visit for ages but haven’t been able to… Until now! PADA is a mini-festival that happens every weekend in the middle of an old industrial area.
How brilliant that this question coincided with the 5th task on the 30-day photography challenge, which was “After Dark”. So, I will now mix 3 things that I like about my personality with darkness. Basically ‘What you see is what you get’… Not true, actually. :)
I am Honest
I’m quite a stubborn person. So stubborn, in fact, that it could have ruined everything for me at a very early age. I have lost friends due to having been so black-and-white sometimes but thankfully all the troubles and tribulations, that I’ve been through along the way, have rubbed off some of the rougher edges as time has passed.
But the thing that I will not budge on, and which I am very proud of, is the fact that I can stand behind everything I say and do! The people that annoy me the most (OK, they don’t annoy me, I just don’t have time for such people) are the ones who talk a lot (read: complain) but never do any of the many things that they threaten to do.
“If I don’t get that day off, I will quit!” “If that person becomes president I will move away!” “I will contact your boss and get you fired because you didn’t do a back flip when I told you to even if it’s not part of your job description as a salesperson!” (The last one is a bit exaggerated, but not by much.)
All of these exclamations were forgotten the instant it became time to be true to their words. I mean, if you can’t stand behind your own fekkin’ words then shut uup!
As a teenager I said I will move abroad when I’m old enough. Nobody believed me until I did.
I said I will get a job in London. Nobody believed me until I did.
I said I don’t want kids. Nobody believed me but I still don’t have kids or any plans to have them.
So, if I tell you I will do something you can be damned sure that I will do just that! And if I say something you can be damned sure I mean it. Simple as that.
It’s all about being honest, I think. I don’t have time or energy to talk or listen to bs. That applies to everything in my life; don’t ask my opinion for an outfit unless you are actually interested in the honest answer.
This doesn’t mean that I would be mean, though. I do still have manners, you know ;) So, even if I think a dress looks like a rhino skin on someone I will soften it up a bit. But I would never allow a friend to go out looking like a rhino! I don’t think I would be a very nice friend then.
I Have No Regrets
We all make mistakes in our lives. Small ones and big ones. I’ve made some proper big ones, one of which got me fired in my past life (read: when I lived in Finland). And as much as it hurts at the time, and you think you can’t show your face in a public place ever again, time moves on.
And the truth is those regrets are always bigger in your head whereas most other people (assuming someone else is even aware of your blunder) will have forgotten about it by the next day.
Those regrets will become the number one obstacle in your life-journey if you allow them to. They will make you scared to try, uncertain about yourself and afraid of being judged for the smallest things.
Don’t let it be so! You can decide to dust yourself off, learn from the mistake(s) and try again. Probability is you will succeed next time!
I know because I’ve been there and done that. I grew up in a country where we are taught to be ashamed of anything and everything. But I simply haven’t had time for that. For me it’s been more important to be exactly who I am and thankfully I have always found like-minded people who like me just as I am.
Yes, I still feel absolutely gutted when I mess up something but there’s no point in wallowing. I fucked up, fine. Then I need think backwards; what did I do, why did I do it, how I should have done it. And next time I will be better. Time to move on!
I am Empathetic
The previous points may have given you quite a harsh picture of me as a person but I’m a real softy, in fact. I’m very emotional and such a small thing as a rainy day can make me really sad and completely out-of-action. On the other hand as simple a thing as seeing my best friend super happy can make me cry of happiness. For this reason I simply can’t watch animal movies. Too emotional.
I feel a lot of empathy for the world, for people and especially towards animals. In movies I don’t care if a human being dies in a war scene but don’t you dare touch the horses! I feel empathy to the extent that I feel the pain of others with the hope that me being in pain for them might mean that much less pain for them. Unfortunately I don’t think it works like that.
Sometimes my overwhelming empathy gets on my way, though. I have lost countless nights of sleep over worrying when my best friend was left jobless with a brand new (enormous) mortgage to pay. I lived a thousand kilometers away and there was absolutely nothing I could have done to help her anyway but oh dear, I felt for her.
And when my parents were having problems before they finally got divorced I decided to turn down a brilliant job offer because my “heart” told me to move closer to home so that I could be there if need be.
By deciding to act on my emotions like that I literally messed up my own life. Big time. It took me 2 years to be able to start recovering from the grand mistake of moving to Estonia.
BUT! I don’t regret any of it ;) Would I have met my boyfriend if I hadn’t come here? Probably not. Would I have become so aware of the opportunities that having a blog might bring if I hadn’t met him? Definitely not!
All in all these 3 traits are parts of my personality which have always been there but which I’ve had to hone or study to get the full advantage out of each one.
It has taken quite a lot of self-searching and maybe more trials and tribulations than was needed but right now, right here writing this, I can honestly say I am a better person than I was because I’ve found these aspects of my personality and understand how they affect my everyday life.
People travel to the end of the world to do soul-searching and try to “find themselves”. But thankfully I didn’t need to go so far. A period as an unemployed and a move to Slovakia were big enough shocks (first one negative, second one extremely positive) for me to “find myself” :)