I’ve said it before: I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. They seem like a lot of useless waffle that I don’t intend to hold onto to begin with. But I do like to look ahead a bit and set goals for 2020. I mean some big, concrete goals to work towards.
For couple years now I got a bit too comfortable with my uncomfortable life that didn’t provide me with any light bulb moments or great achievements. And since those are some of the corner stones of my happiness, it’s about time I took control of my life again.
I’m quite a procrastinator and thus tend to not set goals too often: I’m really, really good at coming up with excuses and pushing onwards all the things that require doing to reach a point where I want to be.
My dreams are often quite big (like being the first Finnish Oscar Award winner… I can’t even act), and so they require a lot of work and effort from me to achieve. But no matter how up there my dreams may seem to some people, none of them are unachievable.
I know that from experience, because I have manifested myself to achieving some of my biggest dreams already, without knowing that I was doing it. So, I’m gonna keep on that road this decade!
Looking Ahead – What I Want My 2020 To Look Like
I’ve been very fortunate in terms of friends. There are too many people out there who do not have that one best friend, to whom they can tell anything and everything, who they can call in the middle of the night if they get ill, and who they can rely on when life kicks them in the face. Hard.
I have multiple such friends, and considering how much (physical, social, and mental) trouble I was in last year, thank goodness for them!
When arrhythmia hit in the middle of the night, I was afraid that if I died there, no-one would find me for days. But my friends live close, and they assured me I could call them no matter what the time and they’d be there (in case it happened again). And I know they would, and it calms my nerves a lot.
When I had serious issues with my ex, that I needed to talk through with someone, I could always call my best friend. She’s the one I tell absolutely everything to, from the embarrassing to the frightening to those things that should never be said outloud. She may not be able to solve my issues, but the fact that I can get it all out of my system helps a shit-ton.
And then there are the rest of them (with the former ones included) who just bring me so much joy. Simple things like having a night in gossiping with friends makes me feel all warm and fuzzy for days. I guess it equates a therapy session. And we all need it!
I count myself very blessed when it comes to friends and colleagues. Particularly because I live abroad. Friends and colleagues become a family when living abroad. And having lived without that family for the 2 first years in Estonia, I appreciate my current situation in this regard massively.
It’s a constant. It’s the institute I’ve always had and been a very strong part of. And I know I will always have it. Okay, maybe not at the very end of my life, considering that I’m the only girl of us youngsters in our extended family, and women live longer than men, and with none of us having plans to have kids, I might even be the last one of us to leave.
But that’s about 70 years away, so why worry about that! And hey, life is full of surprises and unexpected twists and turns, so it might just as well be that I might have a child in the near future. Honestly, I can’t rule anything out because my life has taught me to never say never.
I’ve always been very much against having kids. I’m not a motherly type at all, I’d probably forget my baby in the grocery store, the harbour or anywhere where it’s possible to lay it down for a bit. I’ve got enough looking after to do with myself, how could I look after something that needy that wasn’t me?
But my most recent relationship made me realize that maybe, just maybe there’s a possibility of me one day being a mother… God that sounds awful :D I look and behave like a 22-year-old. ‘Mother‘ is the last word anyone, who knows me, would use of me! But IF I found a man as crazy but decent as myself… Who knows.
Now, this is an interesting one. I know a lot of people who have much(!) more than enough money in their disposal. And they all have taught me that money definitely doesn’t bring you happiness! But it also doesn’t take happiness away from you. You just gotta learn to relate to it correctly.
I feel like I’ve spent half of my professional life in poverty. I’ve been unemployed and I’ve had some really low-paid jobs. But having a low-paid job isn’t a problem if the living costs in the city you live in are in correlation with average salaries. When they’re not… death.
For me starving isn’t an option since I don’t eat much anyway and would probably survive a week without food. But I don’t want to! I like to eat, I like trying new foods, and I don’t like saving on food! So, for me money is a necessary evil: you definitely can’t live without it.
Right now I have a well-paid job, and after many years I’m finally financially stable. But I’ve still got a student debt and a credit card to pay off, and until then I can’t take full advantage of that salary. And at the end of the day, even that salary isn’t enough for the lifestyle that I want to lead.
So, in 2020 I want to double the amount of money I make per month, and by achieving that I will finally be able to move out of Estonia.
That, of course, boils down to what I want my coming year to look like career-wise. In 2019 I realized something about myself that I had never seen before:
I’ve always had an issue with authority. My respect needs to be earned, nobody deserves my respect as a self-evident. I don’t care how old or respected you are or what your professional position is, if you treat me like shit, I don’t see any reason to treat you any better.
And as you may perceive, in professional life this view doesn’t often work. I have received warnings from incompetent managers, I’ve been verbally assaulted by a shop manager, and I’m underestimated every single day.
So, last year I realized that, as much as I like my current job, I don’t want to be doing this job for someone else. I want to be working for myself. I make the rules, I call the shots, and I have all the responsibility.
It’s incredible that it took me 30 years to realize this! I guess it’s partly because I’ve never had an entrepreneurial influence in my life. But considering how stubborn and independent I’ve always been, what a waste that I didn’t understand this earlier. Or was it?
At the end of 2019 “Trust the timing of your life” became my mantra because I know it to be true. So, I probably wasn’t ready before: I wasn’t strong enough, wise enough, or crazy enough. But things are different now. New decade, new me. In 2020 I’m READY, I’m STRONG, and I’m completely CRAZY!
I can make one New Year’s
resolution promise because I make it every morning when I get out of bed:
I promise to be the badass bitch that achieves all her wildest dreams because she knows she deserves them and more, just as I was yesterday, last week, last New Year, and the day I was born.
I allow myself a break when it’s required, I push through any obstacles that life sees fit to throw at me (which will be a lot of hard core obstacles, as always), and I treat people around me as I wish to be treated myself.
I am the dictator of my own life, and nobody – let me repeat – NOBODY tells me how I should feel, look or act. Those are my decisions, and those decisions are not to be debated. They stand. Amen.
The last 3 promises that I make for this, and any given year, are promises that I think all of us should be making to ourselves. So, feel free to copy them and repeat them to yourself every single morning.
I promise you, after a short while you believe it, and that’s when the unlimited version of your Life begins! Because if I can make my biggest dreams come true, so can you!
Are you making any New Year’s
resolutions promises this year? What would you like to achieve in 2020? ♥
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