Yeah, I am in fact an immigrant who didn’t integrate even after living in a country for 10 years. What you gonna do about it? I know what you’re going to do! It goes like this:
- You’ll pretend to be offended because how dare I be so selfish.
- Then you’ll blame me for not learning the local language because, duh. Duh what?
- And then you try to make me feel bad about daring to use the services that I PAID FOR by paying taxes there for 10 years.
Yeah, see how much of an idiot you actually are? No? Well, not to worry, I will spell it out for you clear and simple because racist or not, if you think that not integrating into a country as an immigrant should be illegal, you’re just an ignorant fuckwit. As in, once again you have no clue what you’re talking about! And what’s even worse, you refuse to stop for a minute and THINK.
This is for my family and friends as much as to all of you lovelies consuming my opinionated content here on the Outlandish Blog. Because there’s no denying, the far right twatism is sneakily spreading and taking over even the best of us.
So, this is my story: why I still don’t feel at home in a country that I’ve chosen to stay in for so long. Of course, every single immigrant’s story is unique because as people we are all unique individuals living a unique life. But I hope to provide some healthy perspective.
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I’m The Immigrant Who Didn’t Integrate – This is My Story
Before we dive into why I’m an immigrant who didn’t integrate, I’d like you all to remember the most basic of the basic facts: the difference between expats, immigrants and refugees.
Because when the far right fuckwits talk about immigrants, they actually don’t even know what that means. But my story is a good reminder of what the word ‘immigrant’ actually refers to:
- I moved to a foreign country willingly,
- paid for everything myself
- and got a job in that country before I even made up my mind to move to that specific country.
Yes, immigrants move to a new country because they want to and because they very often have a job there. And most immigrants actually do put a lot of effort into integrating to a new country.
They research the local culture and customs, try to learn the language and adjust to the local lifestyle. If it wasn’t for different skin colours, you could rarely tell immigrants from locals. Actually, you can’t tell regardless…
So, why and how did I not integrate to a country that I decided to move to? This is my story so don’t go generalising and thinking that this is how it is for all of us who move abroad. I’ve lived in many countries, and this particular one was a completely different experience from the rest! But these are the main reasons why I never integrated, which I think many other immigrants will recognise.
Reason 1: I was never encouraged to integrate
Yeah, I know you like to blame immigrants for not integrating because you don’t notice that you’re just another parrot for the far right. But in actual fact very often (though not always) it’s not the immigrants’ fault that they don’t integrate!
I’m an immigrant who didn’t integrate first and foremost because I was never advised to do so. When I went to pick up my ID card from the police station they just passed me a small piece of paper with information about free language classes. Didn’t say anything, just passed the piece of paper to me. And that was it!
At the end of the day, it is the government’s and the society’s responsibility to provide integration services to immigrants. Whether you like it or not, you cannot blame immigrants for not integrating to your country when your country doesn’t support integration!
Maybe if my job had been in a big company with loads of colleagues I may have gotten a more tangible ‘entering experience’. But I got a job from a tiny company with only 1 colleague. She told me where I needed to go to get registered as a resident and how to apply for the ID card but that was all.
As such, I basically landed on an empty page but nobody gave me any tools to start painting my story in yet another country… Before this I had moved into 3 different countries, but I had never been left to fend for myself with so little before.
Looking back at it now, the complete lack of any integration services was 100% the country’s government’s fault, not mine. This is the situation in many European countries, which makes it the countries’ problem to solve, not immigrants’.
And if you’re now going to tell me that I should’ve made an effort and I should’ve this and that, you can actually go fuck yourself! Because if falling on nothing wasn’t shocking enough;
Reason 2: The culture shock hit hard
And I would looove to see you push through that pile of shit and live to tell the tale! Because I can guarantee you, you wouldn’t last 2 weeks!
Yes, the culture shock in itself was shocking because this was the last country I thought I’d encounter such. And it was enough to put me off for a very long time. I absolutely hated myself for the first 2-3 years for moving there.
As mentioned, I was not new to moving abroad on my own and as such I knew what it entails. But I couldn’t have been prepared for the fact that a country that is geographically, culturally and language-wise supposedly so close to where I’m from, was actually further away in many ways than my previous home, Slovakia.
When I woke up in my new apartment alone the first morning I felt this emptiness inside that I had never felt before. I felt lonely! I tried to shake it off by keeping busy, going for walks and acquainting myself with my new city. But the more I tried to find events, organizations and communities to get involved in, the more disappointed I got.
I’m an immigrant who didn’t integrate because the few people that I did manage to meet had very different world views and life values from me. This meant that it was really hard, actually impossible to connect with the local people or find friends. And the situation hasn’t changed: after 10 years I still don’t have any local friends.
For a social butterfly this was unbearable. So, since I could work remotely, I found myself spending more time in Finland in my parents’ house than in my new home country…
Reason 3: Racism hit even harder!
I did eventually find some company but not in a way that immigration officials probably expect: on Tinder. After a month of being extremely disappointed with my choice of country, I reeeally needed someone to go for a pint with. And Tinder brought me together with a guy who was from England and who in time became one of my best friends. Still is ♥
But I quickly discovered that as a representative of a certain nationality I wasn’t exactly welcome. Which didn’t help with me becoming an immigrant who didn’t integrate. But I do understand completely where that inhospitality came from.
- We Finns have always used this specific country as a sort of “party base”.
- It’s close enough to travel to and cheap as hell so we spent couple decades going there, getting inordinately drunk, behaving like proper cunts (like English tourists, you know) and fucking off back home leaving a mess behind.
- Nobody wants people like that in their country! Not even if they bring wheelbarrow-fulls of money with them.
So, when I was asked where I’m from I quickly learned to lie. Because when I did tell the truth, the waiters stopped smiling, plates were thrown instead of placed on the table, and my pints probably had spit in them.
They never called me names but their opinion of my nationality was palpable! I had not expected this and it certainly didn’t help with the dislike I already had for the country…
Now, I was a white European woman in another white European country and I still faced racism. To some extent that of course prevented me from even wanting to integrate. So, imagine moving to another country and looking completely different. Again, it’s not the immigrants’ fault if they don’t want to integrate, the problem is most often in the country itself.
Reason 4: Immigrant community vs. local community
One of the biggest reasons why immigrants don’t integrate is the fact that the local culture and community will not let them in! Allow me to be your prime example of an immigrant who didn’t integrate for this particular reason.
And it’s not just in terms of this particular country:
- When I think about all the Nordic countries, we’re very private people.
- We have our own groups of friends and family and we don’t really like to venture outside of that group. Let alone let someone completely new in!
- It’s just the way we westerners are: inhospitable.
And when an immigrant finds themselves in such an environment, they quickly find their way to immigrant communities. Obviously! In every country that I’ve lived in I’ve accumulated a group of close friends that become my Family Abroad. Regardless of whether that ‘family’ consists of locals and/or immigrants. We’re a social species, we need a community around us!
So, when I found myself in a country where I couldn’t find a ‘common tune’ with the locals, I made friends with other foreigners there. And regardless of where you’re from, you’re drawn towards your own native community.
Not surprisingly my immigrant community consists largely, but not solely, of Finns. And they all say the same: they find it hard to connect with the locals on a deep enough level. Is that a bad thing? As someone who actually knows because I have lived experience on this: no, of course it is not bad!
What’s It Like Living Abroad as an Immigrant Who Didn’t Integrate?
Immigrants can live in a foreign country just fine without having much to do with the local culture or people. I know, I am that immigrant. We immigrants just want to live our lives like everybody else. Even if we’re from somewhere else and some of us look different to you, we all want exactly the same things:
- shelter
- sustenance
- community
- peace.
Regardless of culture, language or location we are all fundamentally and exactly the same. And if that thought makes you uncomfortable, congratulations, you’re a racist!
But what is my life actually like as an immigrant who didn’t integrate? Exactly the same as it would be if I lived in Finland but better. I work, I go for walks, pay my taxes, spend time with my friends, travel, use local services, and use the local language as far as I’m able.
What I want you all to understand is that there’s a reason why I wanted to move away from my home country! And now after almost 20 years abroad I can say that the grass really is greener on the other side (even after the initial culture shocks, etc.) Remember that the next time you meet an immigrant in your country: we’re all there for a reason and that reason is NOT to ruin your country.
We live there too and we all want to live as well as we can, right? So, let’s find ways for us all to meet in the middle or focus on our own lives. There’s enough division in the world without us pretending like we could exist in a global world without each other.
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