The never-ending debate: what is beauty? Who determines what is beautiful and what is not? Who gave them the right to make that decision? Does beauty even matter? Aren’t superficial values so last season in 2020?
All these questions and more popped in my head when I was following a discussion about beauty norms in today’s society. And it got me thinking. Because I’ve lived around, and one thing’s for sure: what’s a norm to you, sure ain’t that for the next person.
So, why are we so obsessed with beauty? I embarked on the journey of discovery by putting out another poll to my Instagram followers. And oh, you darlings always deliver ♥
Obviously, since this is just a random Instagram poll, it’s nowhere near scientifically valid. But it presents an interesting look into our thoughts on the subject.
I’d also like to point out that my followership is extremely international. From Scandinavia, to the US, to Asia, to Europe. So, had this poll been done only for UK citizens the results might look completely different.
Anyways, here are my conclusions from your answers to my poll topped with my observations from living in different countries and cultures:
What Is Beauty And Why Do We Care?
What is beauty to you?
This was the step one for me: I wanted to figure out how my followers see the overall concept of beauty. And I was very happy to find that most of them (87%) considered ‘beauty’ to come from within. It derives from one’s persona, rather than superficial factors. I’m with you, guys!
This was really encouraging because it was the complete opposite to what media and the society around us tells us. Of course media’s only purpose is to sell, sell, sell, and they have very efficiently sold us an image of “beauty”.
Diet, diet, diet, ’cause you’re all fukin fat! Plastic hair, plastic nails, plastic eyelashes. Swollen lips, fake boobs so heavy that they must affect one’s spine, removed ribs and asses filled with cement (this seriously happened). Is this really beautiful?
Media’s influence on our opinions is frighteningly big, and there are some who take whatever they see on their screens as gospel. We need to learn to see beyond the headlines and the bullshit.
Whatever you see in the media, including social media, it’s probably not a genuine representation. Everybody uses filters and edits extra bits to their images, and for advertisers this is a must. Don’t let yourself be fooled to think you need to be something because someone in a magazine says so.
Unfortunately it’s not only media that’s bombarding us with unhealthy mindsets. Society is another enormous culprit in our indisposition, and I’ll come back to that in a bit.
Is looking beautiful important to you?
It’s funny, though, how 87% say that ‘beauty’ comes from within, but at the same time looking beautiful is important to 65% of them. Unless they actually do think that when they feel good they look good. Let’s agree that that is the case here, shall we?
This didn’t really surprise me. We can’t deny the fact that in the world we live in today, looks do matter. Thankfully not nearly as much as they did just 20-30 years ago, but nonetheless, it still matters.
Just imagine: you’re hiring people and you’ve got 2 applicants with the exact same credentials and skill sets. The other one turns up at the interview dressed nicely, hair done and a smile on their face. The other one turns up in a track suit and with a sulking face. Do you even need time to consider?
But here’s the thing: even though it sounds a bit scary that looks matter, by knowing it you can turn it into an advantage. Analyse the situation, and dress accordingly. At the end of the day, your personality will play the biggest role. But don’t ever underestimate the power of the first impression.
Do you wear make-up every day?
Well, here’s an answer to my own question above. Whether the previous question’s answers were about beauty as media presents it or as the persona factor, like the first answers suggested, it seems it really is all about inner beauty with my followers. 72% of them don’t wear make-up on a daily basis even though beauty is important to them.
I’m feeling more and more proud of my followers. These are people who aren’t easily shaken by fake news and plastic faces teeming on all media sites.
I myself don’t wear make-up most of the time. Only if I’m actually going somewhere (not to work or a morning run) I put on a bit of concealer, some mascara, and a swish of bronzer on my cheekbones. My personality can be quite overwhelming, so I’d rather my face was not.
Do you feel pressure to look pretty?
Now we get to the society part: what is beauty according to the system we live under, and does it affect us. Well, society sure isn’t making us feel any better about ourselves. In all honesty, 62% feeling pressure to look pretty is too much.
This is not something to feel pressured over. But it is an ancient feature of all cultures around the world that women should be oppressed.
You need to be slim and pretty (again, I ask what does that mean?) so that men will want you (??!?!). Because you will need to find yourself a man so that you can have babies. (Do you, though?) Well, if you do find a man:
You’re too fat or old to have babies, but you must have babies, if you don’t you’re a bad person. Then you have babies and you’re breastfeeding but you shouldn’t, but you should. You’re holding the baby too much or too little, anyway wrong, and you’re a shit mother no matter what you try.
And oh boy, don’t you dare wear make-up or take care of yourself when you have kids! That must mean that you spend more time on yourself than them. You must be selfish and a bad mother because new mother’s aren’t supposed to look good.
SAY’S WHO?? If you recognized yourself from any of the above description, I’d suggest you take a leaf out of my Insta followers’ book and accept that beauty isn’t something that media or the society decides for you. Moving on!
Are you beautiful?
This was another of my “I’m testing you”-questions. And I gave a little mental applause to every single one of my lovelies who answered “I sure am!” All 88% of them! For the remaining 12% I’d like to say this:
It doesn’t help that I tell you that you are beautiful. Obviously you are! But feeling beautiful doesn’t come from external sources, like make-up or somebody else’s opinion. You could consider making a little trip into yourself, and ask yourself these questions:
- What is beauty to me? What does my perception of beauty consist of? Of what I see on my social media channels? Or is it dependent on my friends’/family’s opinions?
- Who are my role models? Who do I look up to and want to be like? Is it someone whose only merit in life has been filling their face and body with plastic? Or is it someone who wears no make-up and has no style but makes a difference in the world? Could these role models have an unhealthy effect on me?
- Why do I care what others think? Why do I accept an outsider’s opinion of me as gospel? Why can’t I decide myself and tell the nay-sayers to fuk off?
Who really decides what’s beautiful?
YOU DO! Believe it or not, at the end of the day we’re all bloody beautiful, just as we are. Oh yes, warts and all! But it don’t matter one bit how many times I, or your mum, or your significant other, or best friend tells you that you’re beautiful. If you don’t believe it, it’s all for naught.
And here’s another thing: you decide what’s beautiful, but only for yourself! Nobody, not you, the guy sitting next to you on the bus, your father, the shop keeper, NO-ONE is entitled to criticize your, or anyone else’s looks at all, in any way! Their looks are not your business, and your looks are nobody else’s business.
We can’t escape what we see around us, on TV and online, all the time. But we can decide if we allow it to affect us or not. It would be lovely, though, to see a much larger variety of body types, colours and looks on every online platform and channel. Because it does give us a boost, when we see a similar person on the cover of a magazine. It makes us feel we matter!
And things are thankfully improving in this regard. A Korean film just won best movie at the Oscars, coloured people on TV are a norm, clothing brands are using a wider variety of body types to advertise their clothes, etc. The change may be slow, but it’s already happening.
I know it may sound like absolute hypocrisy for me to preach about beauty: I am aware I look like “the norm”. But I also know that I’m not a ‘norm’. None of us are. We’re all unique.
And believe it or not, I have struggled with self-esteem issues looks-wise too. I do know how it feels to stand in front of a mirror in exasperation with a pair of scissors trying to cut off your non-existent love handles. So, nobody tell me I’m not entitled to an opinion on this matter.
Beauty is an abstract matter that cannot be determined by one institution or organization. Media and society pretend like they have the last word on this all. But don’t let yourself be fooled by them. It’s up to you alone!
Just think, what’s considered beautiful in Nigeria, maybe isn’t beautiful in your mind, and vice versa. For many Asian people pale complexion is a must, whereas we pay insane amounts of money to achieve real or fake tan. In the end beauty doesn’t exist. Except in our minds.
I’d love to hear your opinions on this: what is beauty to you? Does beauty matter in your daily life? Is your perception of beauty affected by outside influence? Let’s talk my lovelies! ♥
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