At this day and ech we all need to figure out how to deal with rejection because oh my goodness, it’s constant! You know what I mean, stuff like:
“Thank you for your application. We have decided to move on with other applicants.”
“On this occasion I will not be participating.”
“We do not accept new collaborations at the moment.”
“……….” Oh, ghosted again…
We get rejected in all sorts of situations in our lives.
- Everybody’s probably received a ”thank you but no thank you” e-mail for a job they applied for at some point, right?
- Some of us, who have had the guts to go and hit on a guy or a girl, have probably been rejected once or twice.
- We’ve all been ghosted on dating apps and in real life
- For 100% effort to look for new work/collaboration oppotunities only 20% garner a reply, most of which are negative.
Especially as content creators we put ourselves out there and feel rejected constantly. When that piece of content, that we’re most proud of, doesn’t resonate in the way we thought, or when a brand turns down our collaboration request, we feel defeated.
And when that feeling of rejection is a constant, we need to find ways to cope. Which is what I’m discussing today!
How To Deal With Rejection
Rejection is a nasty feeling and it’s strengthened by our own inner insecurities, which we all have regardless of the impenetrable facade that we portray outwards. Just the word ”No”, even when said in the most politest of manners, makes us feel inadequate and even ashamed.
”Oh dear, I’m so sorry I even suggested that, it was a stupid idea to begin with, I’m sorry for wasting your time.” Ouch.
There are a lot of times when we just feel like giving up would be the easiest thing to do. Sometimes we even convince ourselves that it’s the smart thing to do. But at those brief moments we should always remember that nobody made it to the top by giving up!
So, what are we to do when we get turned down again? How to deal with rejection when we’re left cold by the side of the road by a Tinder date, or left feeling inadequate when another hope of a brand collaboration turns into dust?
I’ve gathered some behavioral models here that have worked well for me, so I thought I’d share them here with you guys as well. Hopefully you will find these 4 tips helpful on times of uncertainty.
1. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable
When we go through rejection, there are plenty of emotions and feelings related to it. And we should NOT reject or block those feelings. There’s no point wallowing when there are things to be done but you can’t move on before you’ve felt the feels.
Before you can move on to figure out how to deal with rejection, though, you should acknowledge that what happened has hurt your feelings, and that is the truth. It’s not okay but it is what it is. Disappointment is one of the core aspects of being a human.
It’s a feeling that nobody on this planet can escape and it can be quite a destructive feeling. The trick is not to allow it to take over! It is crucial to feel the feels and then find a way to move on. So, after acknowledging your feelings, you need to remind yourself to:
2. Move the focus outside of yourself
Was it actually the fact that you really, utterly suck as a person? Or could the reason for this rejection lie in something completely else?
- Like the fact that that Tinder guy didn’t have the balls to show up because they felt the pressure of not being good enough for someone as nice and pretty as you.
- Or that the brand you approached was a bit too ambitious a goal since you’ve only been running your page for a year.
- Maybe the job you applied for would’ve been an absolute nightmare so you’re lucky you didn’t get it!
More often than not the fault is in a lot of things outside of our person.
Okay, we can’t ignore the fact that we human beings are egocentric creatures. But if we could broaden our minds a bit, our lives would be so much easier because there wouldn’t be so much self-blaming going on.
Take a leaf out of my mum’s book; she (often) pointed out to me that “The world doesn’t revolve around you!” Yes, it took me over 20 years to actually take that in and accept it as the truth. But it turns out she was right! Again!
If you’re wondering how to deal with rejection, that’s a good point to start from. We would all do very well to remember my mum’s words because they apply to every single one of us ;)
3. Stop berating yourself up about it
Being kinder to yourself is the message of the moment and it applies to how to deal with rejection as well. Instead of cursing yourself for being so stupid for thinking that something could work, think about it from the ’friend perspective’:
If it was your friend who had just been rejected, would you speak to them like you’re down-talking yourself? Of course not! So,
- adopt a kinder way of speaking to yourself about the situation, train in front of a mirror as long as it takes
- remind yourself that this just wasn’t meant to be right now (but the time will come)
- focus on moving on.
4. Turn the rejection into a learning experience
The fact that you didn’t get that job doesn’t mean you’re incompetent! And the fact that the date never happened doesn’t mean that you’re the ugliest duckling in the pond.
Instead learn how to deal with rejection by seeing the bigger picture. Maybe take the situation apart in your head and analyze what hints were provided in this particular rejection. What could aid you to move on? Facts like:
- If a guy didn’t turn up on a date or didn’t get back to you after one, you’re too good for such twats anyway. No need for analyzing there whatsoever.
- In case you missed out on your dream job or got a ”No” for your collaboration request it could just be a fact of ‘not right now’ or ‘there’s something better ahead’.
- You’re always entitled to know ’why’! Ask for feedback after a rejection. Take the info and use it to do better next time.
Let’s not kid a kiddo, there’s no denying that sometimes you need to fail a lot and often before you get the gist of how to deal with rejection. It can be frustrating, believe me, I would know! But keep going and keep faith because the day will come when you hit that bulls eye! ♥
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