Photography task: A good habit
Location: Turku, Finland
Camera setting: Food
Regretting is not my forte. Quite early on I realized that regretting means worrying about history, but since history is something that you cannot change, I can’t see much sense spending time and energy on pondering on things that have been and done.
But yeah, there have been things in my life that I wish I hadn’t done and which, in some cases, have had an impact on my life later on. So, let’s recap:
I believe that trying is always better than not doing anything. Even if trying sometimes means failing, it’s still better! I learned this through experience;
I was completely smitten, perhaps even in love, with a guy in upper primary school and throughout high school.
We were in the same chemistry class and I really believed we would’ve made the most perfect couple this planet has ever seen. But as a teenage girl there wasn’t much confidence in me. And even though there were many, many signs that he actually shared my interest (the signs are so obvious now in hindsight…) I still wasn’t sure enough about him being interested in me at all.
So the crippling fear of embarrassing myself stopped me from ever sending him a text (because I obviously had his number) or messaging him on IRC Gallery (the big brother of Myspace and Facebook).
I never found out if something could have come of us. And it stings me a little bit to this day, because I’m such a curious person… I’d LOVE to know if there ever was even the slightest chance for us. Not that I’d go for him anymore, I’m quite happy as I am. But I’d just want to know, what if?!
That regret became one of my most important ‘lessons leared’ later in life; never walk away from a situation like that! Always at least try. Because even if you would fail, at least you would know. Not knowing can be much more harmful in the long run than the embarrassment that lasts for a day or two for you and only couple minutes (if any) for everybody else.
Another thing that I’m not proud of, and which I find myself battling with again, is the fact that I find it very easy to burn all the bridges behind me. In my case this mainly relates to my professional life and the lesson I’ve learned is ‘what goes around, comes around‘.
In my early 20’s I worked in a jewelry store. It was a good place to work, good hours for a student and great colleagues. There was just one, enormous minus; the manager. That person was, and still is, a monster.
I’m someone with a very strong mind and who doesn’t take any bs from anyone, so when this manager sent me home to change my clothes for no reason and then told me that I didn’t have time for a lunch break anymore, or when her sole purpose of existing was to make as many of us employees cry as possible, the board was set.
Let’s fight! was ringing in my head every single day I came to work.
Eventually I got another job and I left with a light heart. But I felt for my colleagues who had to continue enduring the insufferable cow so I wrote her a letter in the hopes that she might treat them with at least a bit more respect. The letter was very amiable and I gave her couple simple suggestions on how to improve the morale in the store.
But I was too young to realize that I was dealing with a narcissist. And no matter how friendly or helpful you might be, a narcissist sees any suggestion as a straight insult toward their perfect being. I became aware of this after I had graduated and been left jobless. I applied and applied for jobs but the recession had made sure that there were no jobs to be had.
So, at my most desperate I had to swallow my pride and contact a colleague at the jewelry store to ask her if it might be possible for me to do some shifts there again. She was, of course, extremely nice and helpful, but the monster residing in the back room hadn’t forgotten the “enormous insult” that I had supposedly served her.
And so, with a simple, well-meaning letter I had ensured that there was no going back to the job that had for many years been my safe haven where I could return to work between my travels.
I learned a valuable lesson there. But I still can’t and won’t stand injustice and I do hope that Karma will take care of that monster sooner rather than later. The problem is I find myself in a similar situation again. Not quite as bad, though, there are no monsters involved in my current professional situation. Just utter and complete ignorance and arrogance, which is a problem for me because I can’t stand stupid people.
But I need to keep my calm and my pride in check because last time I fucked up things for myself big time for a long time. This time around I would basically ensure my own, probably never-ending, destitution.
And that can’t happen! I’m struggling every now and then, though. My life in Estonia has been close to a waste of time, which is the most frustrating situation imaginable. And when we add on that a job that is not functioning on any level, bad days become a tad more serious an issue.
But that’s why I have this blog! This is my lifeline, the happy bubble into which I can lose myself and ignore everything that’s going on elsewhere. Everyone should have such an escape when they are struggling in life; a hobby or a dream to work on, that might eventually become the ultimate savor.
And to be honest, even though this post was about my regrets, I can’t really say I regret either of the aforementioned mistakes. I learned from both experiences and I truly believe that they happened for a reason; to ensure that later in life I will know better. :)
Do you have any regrets that you have been able to turn into a success in the end?