Photography task: Technology
Location: My living room, Estonia
Camera setting: Landscape, Portrait
Broken heart usually refers to a romantic relationship ending. But in my case no man has ever been important enough to cause such havoc. Instead my friends have always been the most important thing in my life.
Losing friends as well as gaining new friends is a big part of growing up, but some losses have a tougher toll om us than others. The issue that caused my heart to break, and made it difficult for me to get over the whole thing, was the complete lack of any reasoning or explanation. How can you move on from something that you cannot understand?
OK, let’s start from the beginning. In upper primary school (ages 12-16) we moved to a new school, which meant meeting new people. I became good friends with this one girl who later on became my best friend. We were very similar, both born in early January, interested in the same things and she was just easy to hang out with.
But then, later in life, life threw a curve ball and I became jobless. That year and a half was the toughest time in my life and I became depressed. Depression in my case manifested as a complete incapability to see anything positive in my everyday life. Regardless of forcing myself to come up with at least one positive thing each morning before getting out of bed.
I complained and I complained and I complained. I’m quite gifted at complaining anyway, but when jobless and depressed it all went totally overboard. My friends didn’t recognize the fact that the increased negativity in me spawned from depression so they just kept getting angry at me and telling me that I was the most negative person they had ever met.
They were probably right, and when this kind of feedback comes from my friends I tend to take it seriously and try to be better for them. But for some of them this negativity eventually became too much to handle.
So, one day this girl I had met in upper primary school just disappeared from my life. I’d ask her if she could meet up and she’d answer something vague. I’d ask again couple days later, a week later, one more time a month later and she’d always have something else. Eventually I asked if something’s the matter and she assured that everything’s fine.
I never heard from her since. I never got an explanation to this weird disappearance and it haunted me for years. What did I do wrong? Was it me or did something happen in her life? What could I have done differently? Why would she just leave me hanging?
I was already miserable, but then I was also shocked, sad and completely bewildered, which just made everything much worse. But thank goodness she wasn’t my only friend. I was still able to rely on the real friends who stood by me through the bad period.
It wasn’t until I moved to Slovakia and was able to start life all over again in a happier place that I was able to look back and analyze this heart break properly.
My first thinking was: Yes, the main reason for this “break-up” was me and my incapability to cope. Thinking this way I gave her all the credit and I did that for a long time; I thought she had a right to do that and leave me as a mental weight behind.
But after a while, when the clouds had faded from my head, I was finally able to admit that no matter how difficult I was to be around there was no excuse whatsoever for her to treat me like that! There was no reason for her to leave me like that without any explanation when I was already broken down! I did not deserve that.
It took me years to realize that. That’s too long a time. Nobody deserves to be left hanging in misery and in doubt like that. Ever!
So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where someone has become too much of a burden rather than a friend, don’t you dare just walk away! You DO owe them an explanation when you decide it’s time for you to move on, even if you think you don’t.
Yes, the person might get angry at you but believe me, later on they will hold you in much higher regard than if you just walked away saying nothing. And when you “break-up” in an ‘adult’ way there’s a chance that you can be friends again when things clear up and you are both at a better place again.
I’ve experienced this as well; a break-up after discussing the hurtful situation and then getting “back together” after spending 2 years apart in radio silence. Nowadays we’re that much stronger as friends.
Unfortunately I can’t see me and that ex-friend of mine ever being friends again. I could never trust a person who was prepared to leave me stew in my own juices like that after years of claiming to be my friend. But that’s OK.
There’s no point in trying to keep people in your life who do not wish to be part of it. Concentrate on those who you can trust to stay beside you even through the tougher times. They are the real deal :)