At times like these prioritizing yourself feels like an indulgence.
It has been a tough year for all of us, one way or the other. But at the same time, since the most recent pandemic, self-care has become one of the most sought after trends.
For years now many people have honestly shared personal stories of burn-outs and mental struggles, which has de-stigmatized a lot of these issues. Finally. The next natural step is to focus on self-care, which is all about putting our own wellbeing before others’.
Prioritizing oneself doesn’t mean ignoring your friends or treating them badly, like many fear. But there’s no denying, not everyone will like you for taking your own life into your own hands. For finding a new purpose in life.
The Difficulty of Prioritizing Yourself & How To Get Over It
I’m in my 30’s, and in many cases that means that I could have a mortgage, a child or two, a car, a managerial position, and be bored to death. Thankfully we live in a world where one is free to live a life that suits them, and not the life that society deems “right”.
Read also: How To Successfully Change Your Career Path – 6 Tips
- Gone are the days when children were had so that they could take care of their parents when they got old.
- And gone are the days when a woman’s worth was measured by their ability to get married (regardless of how miserable that marriage then ended up being) and raising a family.
I’m the captain of my life, no-one else. And this ship hoists brighter colours, more extravagance and is louder than most combined. That means that there will always be people who find it impossible to stay onboard. And that’s fine.
It’s time we all realized the worth of our own lives and took charge! The guilt will creep in from the corners of our minds, but we can’t allow any space for it where it’s not justified. Yes, any feeling of guilt must always be first and foremost justified.
Start Small: Take 15 Minutes a Day for Yourself
Every major change and learning experience starts from the first, small steps. If all you’ve done in your life so far is putting everyone else before you, learning to prioritize yourself won’t happen in a day.
So, let’s remember to be kind to ourselves and allow us the time to adjust to the new lifestyle / mindset. We’re not in a hurry, nothing big and important was ever achieved quickly.
Start getting accustomed to prioritizing your own time by taking 15-minute slots every day for yourself. Spend it away from family, in a different room even, and do something that brings you joy. Read a book, take a bath, or apply a retinol serum for glowing skin to nourish both your mind and complexion. Make a snack of your liking just for yourself.
Prioritizing yourself for just 15 minutes a day every day quickly forms into a habit, and that habit can then be turned into a mindset. That’s where the journey to prioritizing yourself can properly begin.
Be Realistic About Your Relationships
Life has a funny way of changing its course every now and then. These are the famous crossroads in life:
- moving somewhere else
- going self-employed
- having children, etc.
Events that have massive effects in our lives. And these effects can sometimes be massive enough to change our perspective in life.
And that’s when you notice that you don’t actually have that much in common with your friends, colleagues, even family anymore. You’ve got to readjust to a new situation, and at the same time you notice that some people aren’t able to readjust with you.
If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that the best friends, your people will always readjust with you. They will be there for you, no matter what. When there are changes happening in our lives, these are the people we need to focus on. And those whose interest in you and your life is too weak, they may be left behind.
The fact that they are unable to readjust to your new life with you tells you exactly what you’re worth to them. Yes, it hurts when people exit your life, or you exit theirs. But as I just mentioned, we choose whether to concentrate on the negatives or the positives. On the friends that left or the ones that stayed.
And that’s when you can finally admit to yourself:
- I shouldn’t prioritize something or someone if I feel that something else is more worthy of my time.
- It’s not mean or selfish to exit people’s lives if you feel that they no longer add value to your life.
- At the end of the day, it’s probably beneficial for both parties.
Pay Attention to How You Talk to Yourself
Especially while we readjust to changes in our lives, we easily slip into a routine of questioning and blaming ourselves for the smallest cracks in the lens. Basically, what you are doing then is peeing in your own cereals. Don’t be doing that!
Did you know that the core point of mindfulness is to pay attention to your thoughts? Well, now you know! And being mindful of the tone that you use with yourself is paramount on the journey to prioritizing yourself.
You must recognize where and when you think of yourself negatively and change the tone of those thoughts.
For example,
- if your first thoughts when looking into a mirror are “Eew, look at that amount of fat”, you need to STOP! Now you’ve realized what you just said to yourself, so now you can change it.
- Think of a phrase that you can tell yourself instead of the negative one. For example, “Look at me, I’m here and I’m doing fine!” Repeat it.
- And now, every time you catch yourself talking to yourself in a negative tone, STOP! And come up with an alternative phrase. Repeat it.
No matter how little you believe in that phrase on the bad days, repeat it anyway. Repeat it as many times and for as long as it takes for you to believe it.
Welcome to the next level of You!
Set Clear Boundaries
Sometimes we have to just admit that our heads fight against our hearts harder than we can manage. That’s when it’s time to set some clear boundaries and stick to them! In the case of learning to prioritize yourself, such boundaries could include:
Staying off social media
If Instagram or Twitter make you feel even the slightest bit bad or inadequate, set yourself a daily limit of how much you’re allowed to spend on the apps. And stick to them!
You will quickly notice how much your mood improves once you spend less time scrolling online. Because you automatically spend that time on something else, probably something that you want to do.
Organizing time for things that YOU want to do
This can be once a day or once a week. The aforementioned 15 minutes a day teaches you the theory of prioritizing yourself, and now it’s time to take action. What is it that YOU want to do? Learn a new skill, read a book in peace, start a new hobby, or spend more time with your friends?
What needs to happen/change for you to be able to allocate time for this? Figure it out and organize the time needed for yourself. At the end of the day, it’s you who needs to prioritize you, nobody else can.
For instance, you can take your self-care commitment to the next level by actively scheduling wellness appointments into your routine. Whether it’s booking weekly meditation classes or regular sessions at clinics equipped with professional Earthlite massage tables, making these appointments non-negotiable reinforces your commitment to prioritizing yourself.
Paying attention to how you eat and sleep
Every big achievement is paved with the little things in life that make up the core of our existence. Little things like eating and sleeping. Without those 2, we wouldn’t stay alive for more than couple days.
Do you sleep well or are your nights wasted worrying about other people’s opinions about you or other people’s worries? Do you eat in a way that makes you feel good, or do you accommodate your eating habits to someone else’s preferences?
Think, is it okay to prioritize everybody else when it comes to your sleep and eating habits? Is it, though? If you can’t afford / don’t want to eat in a restaurant that your friends suggest, suggest another one. And if they won’t even listen to you, you now know they’re not your people, and thus shouldn’t be prioritized anyway.
If you want to try and eat healthy, but your family prefer anything that’s deep-fried, discuss it with them. If they refuse to even try changing their eating habits, leave it to them to take care of their own meals while you do you. You need to put your health first in order to look after your family!
Priotitizing Yourself – Conclusion
The thing about learning to prioritize ourselves is that despite it sounding selfish to some, it’s actually the complete opposite. By prioritizing yourself you create a life you love to live. And when you love living your life, you show up to the people around you on a whole different level as well.
Everybody benefits from us learning to prioritize ourselves!
Do you find prioritizing yourself difficult? What do you think is the most difficult part of trying to prioritize yourself? Let’s chat in the comments! ♥
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