A popular theme throughout decades and generations is how to make friends as an adult. It’s incredible how easy it is to make friends in our youth, so how can it become so incredibly hard all of a sudden when we grow up?
As a social butterfly I’ve never struggled to make friends as such. But I’ve had to admit to myself that a change in circumstances, whether it be about moving, changing jobs or starting a family, play a massive part in it all.
In addition, there’s no denying that making friends in your thirties is a completely different affair than what it is while studying in University. Suddenly there are less opportunities to make friends and it feels awkward to go asking about other people’s personal lives.
Work can be a great place to start looking for new friends. But many don’t want to mix work and personal life at all, and it’s never a given that you’d get along with your colleagues at such a level.
And then there is the cultural aspect of making friends! For example:
- in Western and, in particular, in Northern countries people tend to stick with who they already know. Little groups form within work teams and it’s extremely difficult to get into those groups.
- whereas in Central and Eastern Europe it can be the complete opposite; the new employee is invited to lunch, after-works and your birthday party from day one.
So, what can we do then? How can we make friends as adults in such a hectic and complicated world? I venture to solve this problem here today!
How To Make Friends As An Adult
Before we can dive in to find out how to make friends as an adult, we have to face the reality of things:
- People are busy, especially if they’re juggling work and family
- The people you connect the most with might live far away
- Language and culture barriers are a challenge, but should not be a deterrent
Making friends as an adult means that we might need to be flexible with our schedules. For example, combatting schedule issues can mean combining daily activities with socialising. And distant friendships can be maintained via online meetups. I do this with my friends in Slovakia.
And the cultural differences? Well, they should not be a problem at all unless you’re a racist. So, take this as an opportunity to have a good look at yourself and how you feel about cultural differences.
Once you understand and accept that diversity actually benefits us all, making friends becomes a lot easier! As I mentioned earlier, our own culture might be the biggest reason why making friends is so difficult for us.
So please, don’t think that other cultures are “beneath” you when they likely are much more accepting and open than you are. Once you reach an open-minded state to exist, there are so many ways to meet new people and make friends.
I’ve gathered some ideas here for your perusal. A lot of these I have tried out myself and noted as well-functioning:
Tip 1. Work on personal development
Yes, we have to start with this one! Quite often when we struggle with something in our personal lives, the reason for the struggle can be found very close to home. Often in the mirror. So, before we embark on the practical tips on how to make friends as an adult, let’s look inwards first.
- So, how’s your confidence?
- Are you happy to walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation?
- Would you invite a stranger for a coffee next week?
If not, this is something that you have to get comfortable with if you wish to make new friends. And the way to do that is to accept the fact that there is no such thing as failure, and the only person who ever feels embarrassed in any given moment is that person alone. Nobody else around you cares.
Unfortunately the only way to get over confidence issues is to throw yourself out there and DO IT. And when you do – and you notice that it’s not so bad – you boost your self-esteem. Next time it’ll be even easier for you to approach people.
Tip 2: Use technology
There’s nothing you couldn’t find a solution for online! Technology is bringing amazing solutions for all kinds of deficiencies and problems that are brought along when the world around us is changing fast. Such issues like increasing loneliness and serious addictions on social media.
Instead of hitting the keyboard alone at home, communicating only via Instagram, get yourself out there! An easy way how to make friends as an adult is to sign yourself into a friend-finding app.
For example Bumble, which is predominantly known as a dating app, now provides us with a gateway to possibly finding your new BFF (= best friend forever, as it is).
Different possibilities to find friends online are for example:
- Meetup
- Bumble BFF
- local Facebook groups
- online communities like forums groups related to your hobbies.
Tip 3: Be approachable
Once you score a ‘friendship date’ you should take a step back and consider how you present yourself in public. Am I easy to approach? Do people want to come and talk to me? What sort of vibes am I giving out?
If you’re closed up, self-centred and judgmental, it can be quite hard for you to get to know anyone, let alone encourage them to stick around. We are probably all aware that most of our communication is subconscious body language; facial expressions, posture, how we hold our arms, etc.
I, for one, have this thing called resting bitch-face. This basically means that if I’m not smiling my base expression can be described as bloody angry. I can confirm, it acts as a very efficient deterrent for any and all social interactions.
But we are here to find out how to make friends as an adult, so how do we avoid looking like a murderous maniac? First things first: smile, make eye contact, and maintain open posture to appear friendly and approachable.
And after contact has been established we need to maintain it by showing genuine interest. This can be achieved by asking questions and telling personal stories and experiences to encourage the other party to open up too.
And if you encounter a person that turns out to be extremely uninteresting, you can just excuse yourself and try again with someone else.
Tip 4: Pursue your hobbies and interests
What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy doing outside of work? How about looking at it as a potential hobby with a social element included?
Whether what you enjoy doing is reading, hiking, cooking, handcrafts or sports, everything can be seen as a potential opportunity to meet new people. The pro in this approach is that you are automatically connecting with likeminded people with similar interests.
But how to make friends as an adult if what you enjoy is cooking at home, you ask? Oh, I got you covered! As mentioned previously, there’s nothing you couldn’t find a solution for online. And the same applies here.
By joining online cooking memberships like the Tiny Italian’s Self Love Cooking Club you don’t just gain cooking inspiration, but it also helps you build self love and enhances healthy eating habits.
If you prefer a more personal approach, you can search online for interesting workshops and seminars to attend. These settings provide opportunities to meet people while also learning something new.
Tip 5: Accept all invitations
In this time and age of mindfulness and allowing yourself to just stay on the couch after work if you want to, the fact remains that if you want to meet new people, you won’t get very far laying on the couch.
I do not wish to belittle the importance of allowing you the me-time, absolutely do so! But if you wonder how to make friends as an adult you have to take action. To make new connections you’re gonna have to say “Yes” to event invitations more often than not. This could include after-works, networking events, coffee meetings, you name it.
Because every invitation is an opportunity to meet new people and perhaps make a connection that lasts a lifetime. Attending events is also free will based, which means that you are free to leave whenever you please if the company sometimes isn’t to your liking. There’s nothing to lose!
Tip 6: Be proactive & invest time and effort
By putting yourself out there you multiply your chances of finding new, meaningful friendships. It can be as simple a thing as starting a new hobby or striking a conversation with a neighbour at a yard sale.
Even if that particular neighbour doesn’t turn out to be your soul mate, they may just as well know someone that matches your vibe. And often we must take initiative when we want something.
It’s time to go and strike up a conversation with people at a networking event or that colleague that you haven’t talked much with yet. I’ve found that the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know yet is through humour.
Very few people are gifted at telling jokes but that’s not necessarily what I mean.
- Just a witty comment or relaxed banter will do.
- Perhaps steer away from sensitive subjects in the beginning, such as religion and politics.
- Those can be talked about later when the connection between you and the new acquaintance has formed further.
And don’t underestimate the power of following up on your new connections! We can’t always assume other people will get back to us. Sometimes the responsibility to stay in contact is on us. Arrange another meetup for later or just check up on them the next week to build a relationship.
Tip 7: Join a social group
Social groups are an amazing starting point if you’ve been wondering how to make friends as an adult. There are plenty of social groups organised from dog parks to hiking/walking events to book clubs all over the world. Try Facebook to find something near you.
As the name suggests, the point of such groups is usually to get people together. There are hundreds of options to choose from on Facebook alone;
- book clubs
- movie clubs
- lunch clubs
- and if you live abroad your countrymen probably have a group of their own on Facebook.
Internations is a great website dedicated for expats, and can be of great help for people who have just moved to a new country and feel a bit lonely. And a newcomer called TimeLeft brings a great addition for us looking for people to connect with. Do a quick personality test and the app pairs you up with 5 strangers for dinner.
You should also check the website of the city where you live. Most cities arrange events that are perfect for meeting new people. And local papers often include information on clubs or groups that like to meet up once in a while, so don’t forget to check those as well.
And why not start up a group of your own?
Tip 8: Reconnect with old friends
Sometimes it’s the little things that we might overlook that make the difference between us feeling lonely or loved. Such things as reconnecting with old friends. Now with social media it’s easier than ever.
All it takes is one message; “Hi, how’s everything? It’s been a while and I was thinking whether you might have time for a cup of coffee some day this week.”
I’d probably be doing exactly that if I still lived in Finland. There are some amazing people who were sort of “left behind” when we went to different schools, I moved abroad, etc. On the other hand it’s quite consoling to know that as long as I am far away from home, if I went back I’d have a relatively soft landing.
I’d love to hear how you guys make friends as adults. What would you add to the list, what’s your best tactic? ♥
Follow me on Instagram and use #styleoutlandish to showcase your style! I’m always on the lookout for outfit inspiration. Get to know me better by listening to my podcast, Random Rambles. If you wish to work with me, check out my services here!
