What To Do When Your Boyfriend Calls You Fat?

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s been in a situation where a boyfriend calls you fat. Actually I know so, because I recently read a tweet where a woman boasted how she had lost so and so much weight in 24 hours after her boyfriend had told her she was fat.

I’m still shocked when thinking about the tweet. Why? Because I think her reaction to one of the rudest sentences a man can tell his girlfriend was completely wrong.

Before explaining why her reaction was in my view completely wrong, and what she should have done instead, let’s look at what this kind of communication actually does to a person.

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I count myself among those very lucky ones who were born with a strong self-esteem and self confidence that can withstand even the worst kinds of insults (to an extent, of course).

That doesn’t mean, though, that comments about my looks wouldn’t have any effect on me. Of course they do. I do have to admit that if a stranger called me fat, I’d laugh my ass off because I know for a fact it’s not true.

But it’s a completely different issue when the person saying that is someone you love and trust. Even if your weight isn’t an issue, when a boyfriend calls you fat, they are messaging you that – in their eyes – you’re not good enough. 

And that hurts like a motherfucker!

Read also: Abortion is NOT Men’s Business – 4 Simple Reasons Why

Why would a boyfriend call you fat?

Now, there are different ways of saying ‘you should maybe lose some weight‘.

• Some people say it with the sole purpose of hurting your feelings.
• While others do, in earnest, say it because they’re thinking about what’s best for you.
• How that statement makes you feel depends a lot on how it’s delivered.

A friend of mine has been struggling with her weight for years, but her husband is a superhero about it. Communication works between them, so for him to suggest a wager for her to lose a bit of weight is totally okay. They did it together. Some of us need someone to push us forward and support us, right?

Whereas my ex boyfriend failed in communicating his thoughts on the same issue completely. Especially because there was zero reason for such a comment:

It was about 3 weeks before our holiday to Hawaii, and we had just ordered some pasta. I opened the box and just when I was tucking in he said “So, when are you planning to go to the gym to get in beach-shape?”

I never go to the gym. And he knew it. In addition, there was absolutely no sense in him saying that assuming that his vision was functional. True, he’s just a man and they have a tendency to blurt out whatever pops in their heads whenever it pops in their heads.

But sometimes that is not okay! Me tucking into a bowl of greasy pasta was such a situation.

So, at the end of the day, there are only 2 reasons why your boyfriend calls you fat:

1. they’re worried about your wellbeing and genuinely want to help
2. they’ve an abusive c*nt and just want to hurt you.

Read also: What It’s Like Dating A Narcissist – Lessons I Learned

What To Do When a Boyfriend Calls You Fat? – My Version

After the aforementioned unwelcome comment I was bewildered and speechless (a very rare state for me). A natural reaction, which you may be familiar with if your boyfriend calls you fat.

But after recovering from the initial shock I put down my pasta bowl, got up and walked to the mirror in the hall.

With him watching, I turned around this way and that, checked myself from every angle. Then I walked back to the table and picked up my pasta. Harpooning some pasta and sauce I declared to him that I look bloody good!

I also informed him that if he doesn’t agree, he may just as well stay home. Because I was going to Hawaii and would rock those beaches like nobody’s done before!

From his expression I could tell that he had not expected such a reaction. He wanted me to crumble. And I’m pretty sure he could tell from my blunt and loud declaration that I’m not someone he can just mess around with as he’s been able to with other women. There’s no getting under my skin that easily.

After that he never mentioned my weight and never suggested that I should go to the gym again. And after a while I found the whole episode one of the funniest moments in our relationship, because it was such a cliché. Not in any way acceptable, but an absolute cliché.

The Issue With Men Commenting On Our Looks

Here’s the bone I had to pick with the aforementioned woman tweeting about all the weight she had lost after her boyfriend had called her fat:

The ultimate fact is, no matter what size or shape you are, it’s nobody’s business to tell you what you should do with your body. That decision rests with you, and you alone!

By losing all that weight after being insulted, she probably thought she had taught him a lesson. But in fact she had just complied to his will and modified her body as he wanted, NOT as she wanted.

Her doing so doesn’t help her in terms of dealing with insecurities and self-esteem issues. Instead, her reaction gives the power to the man (or whoever is criticizing you). Which is exactly what we should NOT be doing anymore in the 21st century!!

And honestly, the fact that any man would call ME (or that tweeting girl) fat gives you a very good measure of exactly how little significance men’s opinions should be given on matters concerning our bodies.

When your boyfriend calls you fat he is merely projecting his own insecurities and twisted personality traits onto you. It’s never you, it’s them!

Conclusion

Men’s opinions on our bodies are completely irrelevant and often extremely bonkers! So, they shouldn’t bother giving anyone those opinions to begin with!

Nonetheless, when someone tells you to lose weight, no matter how they say it, it’s something that will probably get under your skin. As much as I look back at our pasta episode and laugh about it – especially now that I know he literally meant to insult me – the statement burned me for a long time.

Because the message behind it – no matter if meant well – is that I was not good enough for him at that moment. And the thought of that stung for a long time… But it never defined me! It never meant that I should change. And that’s the most important thing.

Anyone recognize themselves from this? Ever been in a situation where a boyfriend calls you fat? I’d love to hear how y’all handled the situation. ♥